How’s My Eating? Call 800-4CRYING!

In my blog entry last week, I alluded to a website that I found to be humorous. The site is called “Crying While Eating“. Not much of a surprise that when you go to the site it’s a compilation of videos where people are eating and crying simultaneously. To me this site is Internet wearing it’s Sunday best. This is the kind of Internet subculture that turns it’s nose up at sites like MySpace and Facebook in favor of the obscure. One of my favorite writers/journalists of all times, Hunter Thompson, once wrote that, “when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro” and that’s exactly what this site is: a collection of Internet pros. 

So, in an effort to obtain pro status on Internet, I am going to make and submit  my own video to the site. And that’s where you, my gentle reader, come into play. I have lots of my own ideas, but I want this video to be a collective effort, because after all who is weirder than my readers? Maybe Gary Busey, but he won’t return my calls. 

Crying While Eating” only has 2 (two) requirements for their videos. A food has to be eaten and you need reason as to why you are crying. An example would be a guy eating an apple and crying because his girlfriend dumped him… it’s a boring example I know, but I’m only trying to set the scene. (Are your thinking caps on yet?)

A few ideas I have are: a guy outside eating a snowball and crying because of the severely cold weather (I’ll be filming this outside my home, I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin and to give you a frame of reference it was negative 50 degrees outside today with the windchill (exaggeration)). Another idea I’ve been kicking around (tangent: I never understood the phrase ‘kicking around an idea’… possible Random Tally Whacker entry) is a hobo living in a cardboard box eating baked beans and crying because he’s homeless as a result of the mortgage crisis (hey-o, topical humor). The last  (and possibly the worst (it’s the worst)) idea is wearing a KKK uniform, eating mac & cheese and crying because a black president is going to be sworn into office (*crickets, *groans). Ok, so the last idea isn’t really a possibility, just something to push the envelope and get you Random Tally soldiers  thinking.

Those are the best ideas that I’ve had so far. Like I said earlier, I need your help! I don’t like to whore out comments on my blog to myself, but me-so-horny… leave comment long time (Full Metal Zing!). So, let’s do this! Leave me a comment with your ideas!

In case you are a little skeptical about my acting abilities. I’ll let my resume speak for itself. Sorry about the technical delay, the resume store called me back and said their printers are all out of ink and my video resume won’t be ready for another week. But here’s a few links to some online videos I made in the past, I’ll let you be the judge, jury and executioner. My most famous role is a silent performance in a homemade Ween music video called “Boy’s Club“, in which I won a Grammy for best performance by a male in a homemade music video. I think my second best performance is either my “Lucky Buck sweatshirt” video (I played myself) or my dead-on Santa acting in the “Christmas 2008” video. (Sorry if you can’t view them because you aren’t my Facebook friend, if you want to see them, ask to be my FaceSpace friend, I’ll accept and then you can watch.) Anyway, what was I talking about? Ohh yeah, my acting ability. I don’t want to prematurely ejaculate all over this blog, but I’m pretty sure my acting-eating skills are good, but what will win the Academy over will be the crying. Robert DeNiro, watch your back, because if you are an animal (1:45 in the clip), then I am King of Internet Jungle (hear me roar)!

Finally, at a time in history when we are full of so much “hope” in the face of adversity, let’s blow the lid off of this weird-stand. Let’s show Internet what we are made of! Let’s show Internet what fills our bellies! Let’s show Internet what makes us cry!

(The Random Tally Promise: Give me a week and I’ll give you a video of a man crying while eating!)

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~ by Rand McTally on January 16, 2009.

One Response to “How’s My Eating? Call 800-4CRYING!”

  1. Start Black

    Fade into color

    Camera is centered facing a wall. There is a dresser against the wall. There is a window towards the rightish side of said wall. Slowly, the camera zooms in.

    The camera zooms in so there is mostly window in the shot and a little bit of wall surrounding the shot. The camera focuses and we see Joseph Heynen in tears, bottom lip quivering.

    Joseph lifts his hand (which was not visible) into the shot and lifts something toward his mouth. It’s a Morel mushroom. He takes a bite, chews, swallows, and continues to cry. Camera angle is in said position for nearing 40 seconds.

    A new camera angle appears, just over Joseph’s right shoulder and we see a mans white butt thrusting forward and back, forward and back. We also see 4 legs, two belong to the man, two belong to what appears to be a woman on the bed. Is it the one who got away? Probably. Hold camera angle for 12 seconds. Sobbing and chewing noises come from Joseph.

    Return to first camera angle and see Josephs lip begin to tremble uncontrollably.

    7 seconds go by, we see Joseph look up.

    Camera angle switches to the roof where it appears that Joseph is looking up at the heavens. Joseph poetically states…

    “Passion burnin’ bright
    Tears of passion late at night
    Is the light of passion burning bright
    Everywhereyou go, only love would know”

    Camera pulls up and fades to black whilst focusing on the clear night sky.

    End Scene!

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