Stigmata!

This is pretty kickin’ creepy! I woke up this morning with a stigmata mark on my right hand (pictured below). I’m not a religious person, but I think God might be trying to tell me something here. Wait a sec, wasn’t yesterday Father’s Day? Then this stigmata thing appears! Is God trying to tell me that He’s my father? Am I the second coming of Jesus?

Evidence For:

1. along with stigmata mark, woke up with noticeably thicker beard and longer hair.

2. could not drink any water all day with out feeling a little drunk. (haven’t tried it yet, but I’m going to see what happens when I try to smoke a little oregano)

3. sudden hatred for all things Roman.

4. noticeably sharper fangs (I know that’s a vampire or werewolf thing… so this one has me a bit confused)

5. every grilled cheese sandwich I’ve made today (all 7 of them) came out cooked with a vision of the virgin Mary on them.

Evidence Against:

1. none.

I don’t want to say “repent the time is near,” but I’m going to say “start saying your prayers,” because if I’m to judge whether your soul goes to heaven or hell… let me just tell you, I’m a vengeful little fucker!

~ by Rand McTally on June 17, 2008.